I want so badly to give up.
Give up on this new Texan life,
On everyone involved in it,
This career draining the life from me.

Alone, at last.
Or always was.
Surrounded by people,
Yet vacant of genuine concern.
A means to an end.

There is no more left.
My dreams were stolen from me.
Inspiration lost completely.
An empty shell remains.

Questions arise from within
Filled with doubt and insecurity

I am breaking.

Why do I spend 13+ hours a day at a job,
While making next to nothing,
That makes me feel more insecure and overwhelmed than ever?

My illusion is officially shattered.

Fake faces mask fake people,
Who are only temporarily friends.
Fake people that I get attached to.

I go home again,
Feeling more alone than ever.

No one can handle the real me, once again.
And I have no one to talk to.
I am completely alone with no real friends and no one there to let me cry on their shoulder.

Everyone has their person.
But my people have moved on, even the best of them.

Fuck poetry.
Tonight, I am sad and angry.

Lens principle.

My philosophy is somewhat optimistic, however I find myself rather judgemental of others, rather than curious.
To describe human nature in general, I would say we are a fallen people, driven by sin in all that we do, searching to find purpose in daily living and consistently failing.
What this says about me, is that I am struggling to uplift others and lack a personal confidence when it comes to leadership. I do not have the ability to win, yet. I don’t have the ability to mesh with all personalities and egos.

My personality is definitely generally positive.
My attitude is a liability when I decide to let uncontrollable circumstances affect me. I can improve by genuinely counter acting circumstances with positive solutions in my control.

A conversation so long overdue
Past mentor, current friend
Stolen phrases
The best reminders
To who I am growing into
Today. Right now.

Who have you chosen to keep up with?
I dropped the anchors
The rest, they’re for life

Grab every handle and say out loud,
I will sign this business up today.
One down.
Taken opportunity.

Every step of the way

Too tired to write today.

Early morning shower thoughts

1. I haven’t been to Starbucks since last August, whoa.

2. Starbucks. You. Crap.

4. Whew. That was almost my life too.

5. Can’t imagine already my reaching my entire life’s aspiration at age 23. I mean, kudos. But think about it, you have no where else to go up. This is your life. Forever.

6. Oh, I forgot you don’t like change. So that’s perfect for you.

7. But when you do make changes, you make them very dramatically, irrationally, and without listening to sound advice.

8. Shit. April is next month.

9. It still really hurts.

Awesome way to start off the day. Aye

Snake eyes

We rocked and I rolled
In the negative sense of the term
Coming back late
And empty handed once again

He told me not to worry
Or get frustrated
After finding out
All the time I spent
Thinking one way
Was inaccurate
Getting half what I thought
I had earned

We will meet tomorrow

Is it cheesy
That my goal is to be a stud
Chasing high rollers
And the competitor in me
Holds back the flushed
Anxiety and frustration
That floods my body
At the end of each day

I just want to be good at this
Great at this
I’ve never loved my job more
And felt so helpless

They say that it is controllable
I have control over my own success
So how can it be,
That I’ve never wanted anything more
Needed money so badly
And still have yet
To remain consistently productive

He called me today
My own personal cheerleader
Has more faith in me
Than I do in myself
Than my very own mentor
Has in me
I wonder if questions
His decision
To spend his valuable time
On someone
That is the farthest from
A record breaker
Than he has ever seen.

Ice ice baby

A sea of everlasting
Flashing brake lights
And speeds senior citizens
Could easily double
Is how this day began
A lengthy commute
Danger awaiting every inch
Of my path
Anxiety heightens
Muscles tense

Bronze medalist
In the finals
Free gas
The pleasure of knowing
I beat only one person

Donuts and energy drinks
There’s a noticeably huge difference
In your attitude,
He mentioned
Today will be fun

It was.
Despite the horrid weather conditions
And gloomy messages
That began the day
We made the most of it
The priority of each day.

Sore muscles,
Yet pushing myself
To be better this year
Striving to push myself
In all aspects
Focusing on me
Who do I want to be?

I’m still deciding.
But once I know,
Nothing will stand in my way.

The woman who doesn’t need validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.

Mohadesa Najumi  (via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: nyu-tah, via absentions)


do your own thing and they will come


do your own thing and they will come

(via lyshaeskro)

Moments of contentment.
Pride, rather.
Look who I turned out to be
Each and every one of you were wrong

I’m happy.
I’m free

I am finally overcoming my fear
To be true to who I am
No matter what that entails

My goals are bigger than dreams
Because they are written down
They involve poetry, fancy clothes and long vacations

I will see the world
And I am already on my way to the biggest things

When I look over my shoulder
I can hardly even see you

First tears.

The first moment I’ve had
All to myself
Backwards thoughts
Finally catching up to me

The further back I travel
Down the road into my past
The more it hurts to recall
Words exchanged between
Such a different person
So long ago

And it haunts me
To this day
The lack of respect I had for the person I chose to be

I struggle with resent
What do you have that I don’t?
I’ve never felt more invisible
In my life
To all the people that meet us both
I am swept into an afterthought
And you can’t even manage
To appreciate how much respect
You have earned
The highest regards
I’m second best
Forcing me to be constantly reminded

My dreams are what haunt me
I’m fine until my eyes close
And my mind drifts away
To you with her
A different you that I don’t know
An imposter in your familiar face
The dreams that turn nightmares
That turn into realities

And I just realized it.

You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.

Amy Poehler  (via miss-isabel)

(Source: splitterherzen, via lyshaeskro)

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

–George Addair (via theartofivankatrump)

after all that we had we act like we had never met

the xx (via perfect)

(Source: ost-kreuz, via absentions)